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May 06 2008

meet the spartans – a piece of sh*t!

this saturday was my black-saturday. I happened to watch this sorry movie called ‘MEET THE SPARTAN.‘ This is my back-lash @ the director. I am also joining the zillions across the globe who have questioned the existence of the film makers

To start with, I had loads of expectation as I was picking up the tickets for this movie. I expected it to be, to say the least, partially interesting. The movie started on a decent note. Spoofing the wild-wolf with ‘happy feet‘ famed penguin. We kinda enjoyed these scenes esp the spoof of the depiction. (Remember, the shadow play of the young Leonidas piercing the spear into the throat of the wild-wolf) The shadow was very aptly spoofed here. The subsequent scenes of him picking the wife (Carmen Elektra) is also fine. In fact, King Leonidas(Sean Maguire) training his son is also a very hilarious compilation. Probably the only best sequence of the entire movie.

Then starts the trouble. They hit on Britney Spears! Why? Why? Poor Britney is, even when left to herself, in shambles! Hitting on her was not sending any laugh-vibes! In fact, a brief touch on Britney’s subject might have been tolerable but giving her more than a minute of screen-space in an 80-mins movie is ridiculous. Then a hit of K-Fed. Boy! Boy! Why? It sounded like the film-makers lacked the subjects to hit upon. This scene was spoofing the famous-kick by King Leonida when the Persian messenger insults the queen. I could not understand what K-Fed, Britney Spears, Ryan Seacrest, Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell & Randy Jackson (of American Idol fame) are doing in that scene?! I was under the belief that even while spoofing you spend a considerable amount of time trying to stitch the scenes together!! Apparently the film maker did not have such thoughts!!
And, I have had enough of Britney and K-Fed. How many more years are these paparazzi gonna spend their time, energy & effort on this couple. Even his name has FED but our fellows are never FED-up of K-FED!! Phew! And Paris Hilton! My Good Lord. Another of those bakras this world is interested in! Always! Always! And, for the depiction of Paris Hilton in this movie, if I were her I would take Mafia’s help to eliminate the film-makers. What crap shit they made out of her. I am no fan of her but then showing her (for that matter any body) in this fashion is, to say the least, damn demeaning!

Carmen Electra! The super-hot babe has been a waste of screen presence. Except for a couple of scenes where her assets are of some use, I could not find one good reason why she is even around?! I mean, there was no scope for acting and interestingly, she did not even try to act. No story. No Big banners. No big production house. At least, a couple of bedroom scenes would have added credit to her presence & her assets. NO! No nothing what so ever. Then WTF was she thinking when she signed this film?! All she is in this film is a slutty whore who does not expose too much either. All she does is try (mark the word – try) to walk in a sophisticated manner with some old & boring fashioned dress.
Sean Maguire! Ah! The other waste of time! I should say, he did attempt some decent acting. His presence was not totally useless as much as Carmen was. Even the painted abs looks quite natural on him. His expressions might require a bit more skills. Though this movie gave zero-scope for acting et al but still such plain acting is not going to scale up. At the very least, he was some treat for girl-viewers. But Carmen ditched they male viewers! 🙁

The most horrible part of the entire movie was not even the lack of focus… it was the presence of body fluids!! I have got no clue why this western spoofs are always filled with –
          1. mucus
          2. farting
          3. gay-relationship
          4. vomit

Why? Why? Why do these guys have the fetish for such nauseating stuff? I almost threw up watching one such scene in this movie. And this fetish is not limited to this movie alone. I watched ‘The Date Movie’ and my good lord, I could not stand the movie after the 20th minute, when 2 guys are playing basketball and one guy gets to rub his face on the sweaty-hairy opponent and finally he vomits a bundle of hair!! Yeeeks!! I cannot stand such stupidities. Do westerners enjoy these?! And, worst, only these?!
On the most interesting aspect of the 2 movies – Date Movie & Meet the Spartans are both written & directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. And when I looked at the IMDB, I realized the ratings were 2.70 & 2.30 (out of 10), respectively! Ah! I should have had the sense to check this before watching the movie. Next time I shall.

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Praveen

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